The only way to avoid problems in church...

Roy T. Williams (1883-1946) was an evangelist and General Superintendent of the Nazarene Church. He once said that the only way to avoid having any problems in a church was this: “Don't take in any new members and chloroform the ones you already have. Every person is a potential problem.”

Forgive me, I found this humorous ;-)

Something tells me that this will never happen to me...

Laurence Chaderton was a noted preacher and the Master of Emmanuel College in Cambridge England. After preaching for two hours one day he paused for a just a moment and the entire congregation stood up and shouted, "For God's sake go on!" So, he preached for another hour.

A Christmas gift for my three blog readers...

Not long after moving to Tarrant a couple of guys from the Church decided to try to record a message from the Pastor for the Church website. This is what happened...



Needless to say we had not really prepared anything beforehand for what I would say...I also discovered I do NOT have a future career in Hollywood!

The same two zealous men who talked me into this mess decided to make this video. If you visit our church website you will notice that the welcome video never got posted on the website. This could be because there were too many bloopers - or it could be because they were too busy making this blooper video to actually post the real thing... =)

So Merry Christmas from me - you may laugh at my expense.

Don't send flowers!

HT: Arminian Today

My wife knows everything!

She always wins! ;-)

How did this happen??

This is terrible but I can't resist posting this...someone forwarded this to me via email and most of the time I hate emails that have be endlessly forwarded but this one cracked me up!

Have you ever slapped your forehead and asked yourself, “Just how did this happen?”

Apparently he was unaware of Calvinist doctrine...

I'm studying for a sermon for Sunday and reading some of the early church leaders letters. I was just reading a letter from Ignatius to Polycarp and came across this admonition from Ignatius to Polycarp:

I exhort thee in the grace wherewith thou art clothed to press forward in thy course and to exhort all men that they may be saved. (emphasis mine)

I couldn't help but think that apparently Ignatius was unaware of the Calvinist doctrine that only some men can be saved because only some people are part of God's elect. If only he would have had John MacArthur and John Piper around to straighten him out...

Sunday morning at your local mega-church

If you have ever watched or attended most contemporary church services you will understand why this video is so funny and true because it describes most of them to the "T"!

Calvinist Dictionary

Click here to read Kevin Jackson’s hilarious Calvinist Dictionary.

Surprise!

In the middle of the night my wife awoke to a pack of dogs barking outside of our house. We often have packs of stray dogs come through and previously they have killed some of our outside cats. When Michelle heard the dogs carrying on furiously she got out of bed in a hurry to protect her precious cat. She opened the door to see a pack of strange Chow dogs.

After chasing away the pack of chows Michelle got down on her hands and knees to look under the car to see if her cat was okay. She said, "Come here Fiona (our cat) are you okay?" She got down, looked under the car calling for the cat - and came face to face with a possum!! :-)















Needless to say she screamed and came running back to bed seeking my help. She woke me up to tell me that there was a possum under the car. In my half-asleep state I said, "What do you want me to with a possum under the car!?" and rolled over and went back to sleep. (Yes I am my wife's hero) :-)

John Wesley and his preachers

Currently I'm reading "American Saint: Francis Asbury and the Methodists" and in it the author shares what some of John Wesley's expectations were for his preachers. They were to rise at four a.m. on days they preached at five a.m. and by five a.m. all other days. He expected them to spend an hour every morning and evening in prayer, meditation, and reading the Bible and other books.

He was very concerned that his preachers become better educated. So, not only did he want them to spend an hour every morning and evening for devotions, but he urged his preachers to spend "at least five hours" a day reading "the most useful books." To those preachers who complained about this and said, "I have no taste for reading," Wesley's reply was, "contract a taste for it by use, or return to your trade."

I've got to run - I've got some reading to do!! :-)

Peter Cartwright meets Joseph Smith

Arminian Today has an interesting post about when the Methodist preacher Peter Cartwright met the Mormon Joseph Smith. Click here to check it out.

Blogging Blues...

Fall Back!

Via: The Sacred Sandwich

Hungry?

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Conference President's

Conference President Harry Plank (God's Missionary Church) has decided to become more relevant in an effort to appeal to this modern generation so he has adopted a new wardrobe and look. LOL! :-)

By the way, my Conference President Walter Hedstrom must also be trying to keep up with Rev. Plank because this past week he attended a service at our Youth Camp in a pair of khaki pants with a button up shirt (no tie or suit coat!) He was also spotted with a pull over shirt on at one point during the Youth Camp! What is becoming of us! ;-)

What's in a (church's) name?

In today's church world it's hard to tell what a church believes just by their name, or so you thought. Apparently it's not so hard after all - Pizza Man has all the answers regarding what the church down the road actually believes, based solely on their name! Click here to see the church name guide!

Away fly I’ll

HT: Joel Byer

Little Mega-Church

 

Despite the addition of a laser light show and a rock ‘n’ roll praise band, Jehosaphat Baptist Church just couldn’t seem to increase their attendance.

Via: The Sacred Sandwich

The quiz you've got to take!

Click here to take a hilarious quiz (especially if you're a Calvinist)!